menudon't

DREAM

I'm working in the store, the old one in irving.. same old dream again, it's night and it's time to close shop but outside it seems so late, too late, like a 3am moonlight late. I screw up something and we have to stay late. I remember this night. I made it all worse for everyone. I've had this dream before. I set off the alarm and we all have to stay. The boss is mad at me. Finally I make it out and go to the airport.
At the airport the light is white and clean. It's empty.. I'm walking to the baggage carosel and on my way back from it, my hands are empty I have no bags to claim, I see Russell Brand standing in black by the door.. I quickly say as I pass.. 'Russell Brand.. you are amazing..' and I walk thru the doors only to trip and fall to the floor. He comes to me and pulls me up.. then we talk in garbled dream speak, his face is caring and kind.. and I tell him about the job and the fuck ups that follow me around like a plague..he says 'love' alot and seems generally concerned for my well being.. in his tight black pants and eyeliner and crazy hair.. I get on my plane, only to see he is on the same flight.. he has a bottle of whiskey at his lap and our chairs are facing eachother. I curl up into the two seats that I have and he watches me as I fall asleep.

Booksigning was good. Not spectacular and not a disaster. Thats all you can ask for. Today only 2 kids showed up for storytime. I'm exhausted. I stayed up too late after a full day yesterday, and today I intend to do the same. I have a dance I want to go tonight, but tomorrow I will rest and be in my home.

LIFE! There is something missing lately. Nothing is filling the void like I want it to. I want yoga to fill me. I want the bookstore success to fill me. I want the community support to fill me. I want the art and the poetry and music to fill me. I can't find the full feeling anymore. I don't fill myself up with food anymore and now I feel so empty. Always trying to fill in the extra spaces with something. Distractions. Lonliness. Spirituality. Next week i will know if this is what my soul is craving. I will be seeing the Dalai Lama on the 9th. I can hardly believe it. What will happen?