Zumba was a riot. My body is getting used to this activity, the trouble is I'm eating ravenously. I'm trying my best to eat better things but i feel like a black hole of emptiness swallowing everything in site, but damn my legs and ass are looking goood!!!
Everything fell into place thanks to my good friend Rosie, we'll be leaving at noon tomorrow for Lamesa, TX where I will be at my first(!!!) poetry festival. Good friends, some poetry, some new faces and friends will be the order of the weekend, and I'll get to hang out with my favorite person, who I never get to see, Rosie. Hopefully she won't get too sick of me!
Saturday C will be in charge of the store, the storytime, and the record store day sale. Woop. I got out of alot of work, huh?
This morning I had a horrible nightmare. It involved alot of people I know and love, but mostly it involved C, and his dissapearance. I was so heartbroken in my dream that I cried for him and even cried for my mom. I woke up crying from this strange but very realistic dream, and the cat was sniffing my face and licking my nose as I felt the hot tears from my eyes. I don't know what brought this on. But I felt so afraid and the house was empty I instantly for a second felt that the dream was real and I texted Carlos who responded quickly.. I don't know, I usually don't get so caught up in my dreams that I forget reality.. and why was I crying out for my mom? And why was everyone from the poetry scene there? Why was Clebo there? Why were people walking on water? I've seen that pool before, I remember we were all walking on its surface once and that the water turned to glass under our feet.. and in the bedroom there were strangers having intercourse and I was disgusted by the open windows, Clebo was in the hottub wearing his hat and drinking whiskey, Jason Edwards was swimming in green swim trunks, all these people i haven't seen in years.. and then the note from C, telling me he tried his best to be a family with me, but that it just didn't work, and his cell phone sat on the motel bed, our family picture on its screen and I knew he was gone and I couldn't call him..wandering in and out of the hotel rooms hoping that one of these people weren't him but hoping it kind of was so I could grab him and bring him back home.. hot, thick blankets and dry mouth, i cried out to the only person I thought could help me, my mom, who is dead but in my dreams she is only a call away,, she didn't answer this time,, and i cried and cried till i woke up in a state.
I got to work 10 minutes late, i had overslept and had a list of things I had to do before I leave tomorrow. Mary came in and could tell I was sad. She understands missing people, but like a mother she reassures me that C isn't going anywhere..she gave me a breakfast taco. I ate it. I think it made me feel better.
and on and on.. this day full of questions plans and excitement. he told me last night that he'll miss me. not half as much as i will him. I think the nightmare was from the mango chili paleta I ate last night, along with the chicken wings and carrot sticks. Or maybe I just worry too much.
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