but i'm still learning..

today today..wtf. it all started innocently enough and then bam, reality check and slam in my face. yes, it's that dramatic. but no, i can't tell you what happened, but it was fucked up. but somehow, its all going to be ok now. don't ask me how, but action (which i have to say I have never been good at ) got it all taken care of. I really know that now I am able to get off my ass and make something happen..as in the past, i just balled up like one of those roly poly bugs and had a crazy melt down. i even had time to laugh inbetween the crazy shit that was hitting the fan. but i tell you i couldn't have done it without my partner in crime. circles circles circles. you'll never know what we went thru today. but we survived. so far. and so tomorrow it's on again. who knows what madness will occur. a major event tomorrow night that i don't want to be a part of, possible former employers hanging out and checking out my store, snooty noses and all, fuck them. they dont even know the first thing of how terrifying, ridiculous and crazy it is to have thier own bookstore. by the seat of my pants. and someone today even asked me why I still do this even though i am TOTALLY in the hole at this point with almost no real way of making it out alive. And I just smiled. Because, it's what I'm suppossed to do. Don't be crazy. Let ME be crazy for you. you sit there in your button up shirt drinking you crappy watered down coffee in your cubical and your steady paycheck and never have this feeling i have right now.. what is it? well it feels like i just jumped off the empire state building and landed on a feather pillow held by Russel Brand who gives me a big beautiful toothy grin and calls me 'love'. you don't feel that when you play it safe. you don't feel anything the way I feel it... but.. i'm still learning. and hopefully the rush won't be so terrifying as it has been today. i'll turn the key to my front door of my little sweet, amazing, beautiful funky little shop that no one really believes in 'cept for all us crazies that jump off of buildings every day. amen.