listening to music non stop. have to do something about the extreme highs and lows. wandering in and out of dream states. not sure if its the meds or the lack of or just a janky mental state. chalk up all three.
impatient. uneasy. walking with a slight limp. lost some weight, nothing to worry about. probably just the poverty diet we keep. i feel strangely compelled to go to ash wednesday mass. to feel the ash on my forehead like when i was a child. catholic bindi. i make plans just to break them. i have dreams just to document the strange familiar feeling I get just having them. the towns and cities constructed out of brain synapses and memory overloads. when I drive i feel like i'll reach the end of my dream life if i go in repetitve paths. there is a familiar road i take that reminds me of the left over cans of vegetables that were left in the fridge after my mother died. we cried and threw them in the trash. everything has been scrubbed away. as if nothing ever happened. i hold on to things forever. once they are gone i'm one day closer to death. listening to music non stop. i have to do something about the extreme highs and lows.
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